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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26425597">three nights in blackpool</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/superbestfriendsandsoulmates/pseuds/nevergonnacallmedarling'>nevergonnacallmedarling (superbestfriendsandsoulmates)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow &amp; Related Fandoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Humor, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Normal AU, School Trip, Sharing a Bed, Truth or Dare, Underage Drinking, angst for maybe two sentences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:09:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,746</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26425597</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/superbestfriendsandsoulmates/pseuds/nevergonnacallmedarling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“He’s doing it again right now; ignoring me, I mean. We’re on the school bus about to be on our way to Blackpool, and I’m seeing how he’s trying to convince Aggie to sit with him, despite the teachers having told us not five minutes ago to sit with our roommate of choice. And as long as I’m concerned, Baz and I are supposed to share a room at the hotel.”</em>
</p><p>Or, Baz and Simon are secretly in love with each other, Penny is heartbroken and Agatha knows everything.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>211</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. night one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p><p>Baz Pitch has been ignoring me.</p><p>He’s been ignoring me all month. Not answering my texts. Refusing to come to mine to study. He doesn’t even sit with me in class if he has the opportunity.</p><p>I’ve been complaining to Penny as often as she’s let me. (Not as much as I would like, to be honest. She has a specific quota established on how much I can talk about him.)</p><p>She says I’ve been acting like a clingy girlfriend. “<em>Maybe this will come as a shock, but Basil has a life outside of you, you know.</em>” I’ve blushed every single time she’s said that.</p><p>I know I’m not the center of his world, but he’s my best friend! We haven’t fought in, like, years. Not since Agatha and I broke up, at least. Not since he told us he was gay and, consequently, he didn't have any real interest in her. Not since Penny locked us in a room and refused to let us out until we became friends.</p><p>(A little bit of an extreme method, I know. But in her defence I’ll say it worked.) </p><p>He’s doing it again right now; ignoring me, I mean. We’re on the school bus about to be on our way to Blackpool, and I’m seeing how he’s trying to convince Aggie to sit with him, despite the teachers having told us not five minutes ago to sit with our roommate of choice. And as long as I’m concerned, Baz and I are supposed to share a room at the hotel. </p><p>(If he hasn’t changed his mind, that is. But even if he has, he can’t share a room with Agatha; rule number one is girls and boys are not allowed to share rooms.)</p><p>When I see Aggie is about to succumb and sit with Baz, I practically run towards them (almost knocking Gareth on the process) and sit beside him before she could do it. She looks a little bit startled but says nothing. She simply leaves and goes to sit with Penny. </p><p>Baz doesn’t say anything either; he doesn’t even look surprised. He simply puts his earphones on and continues on ignoring me. </p><p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p><p>I can feel Snow staring shamelessly at me. I’m worried he’ll start digging holes through my skull if he keeps like this. Or, worse, reading my thoughts. </p><p>He’s driving me crazy.</p><p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p><p>We’ve been on our way for about forty five minutes and Baz hasn’t said a single word to me. Penny would say I’m obsessed, counting the minutes since Baz last spoke to me. And, I mean, <em> I am </em> obsessed with him. It’s gotten to the point I can’t no longer deny it to myself. </p><p>I know I’m a little bit in love with him. (Okay, more than a little bit). I felt like my whole world shattered when I came into this revelation. It definitely took me an embarrassing amount of time to come into terms with it. But I haven’t told anybody; not even Penny. She probably knows, though. She most likely knew before me. Agatha <em> definitely </em> knew before me.</p><p>Now it’s been at least an hour of silence. I can’t take this any longer.</p><p>I take one of his earbuds off and I ask what I’ve been dying to know.</p><p>“Are you mad at me?”</p><p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p><p>“No, I’m not.” </p><p>He’s giving me that look; that look he gives me when he doesn’t believe me. But I’m not lying. I’m not mad at him.</p><p>I’m mad at myself.</p><p>“You’ve been ignoring me.”</p><p>“No, I haven’t,” well, <em> that </em>is a lie. I’ve been definitely trying to ignore him.</p><p>I thought I just needed a little bit of time, just a couple of weeks without him to try to get rid of this unfortunate feelings. I thought that the less time I spent with him, the more likely I’d be of falling out of love. </p><p>I mean, the more time I spend with him the <em> more </em>in love with him I am. So I thought that maybe it would also work backwards.</p><p>I’m such a fool.</p><p>The only thing I’ve learned is that there’s no way back: I’m hopelessly in love with Simon Snow.</p><p>(I'm a constant disappointment to myself.)</p><p>“Yes, you have!” he insists.</p><p>“No, I haven’t. I’ve just been busy.”</p><p>“Every day for the past month?”</p><p>“Yes, Snow; every day for the past month.”</p><p>“If I would’ve done something for you to be mad at me, you’ll tell me, right?”</p><p>“Of course,” <em> the only thing you’ve ever done is making me fall in love with you; which is pretty bad, if I’m honest. </em>But I obviously can’t say that. “Like, right now, for example. You’re being annoying and it’s making me a little bit, well, annoyed. See, I’ve told you,” I say instead.</p><p>“You’re such a dick. Promise me you’ll stop ignoring me.”</p><p>“I haven’t been ignoring you.”</p><p>“Just promise me, okay?”</p><p>And because I can’t possibly deny him anything I say: “Okay you numpty; I promise.”</p><p>I’m so fucked.</p><p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p><p>I look at my phone, and I see Aggie has texted me.</p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> simon </em></p><p><b> <em>Me: </em> </b> <em> wut </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> change sits with me </em></p><p><b> <em>Me: </em> </b> <em> why? </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> penny's moping </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie:</em> </b> <em> i need a break </em></p><p><b> <em>Me:</em> </b> <em> don't be mean </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> i'm not being mean </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> i'm just saying if i have to listen to her moping about how micah broke up with her through text one more time i might jump out the bus </em></p><p><b> <em>Me: </em> </b> <em> aggie! she's heartbroken have a little more empathy </em>🙄</p><p><b> <em>Me: </em> </b> <em> it's only been 5 days </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> exactly </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> it's ALREADY been 5 days </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie:</em> </b> <em> time to start getting over it imo </em></p><p><b> <em>Me:</em> </b> <em> lmao that's all it took for you to get </em><em>over me when we broke up? 5 days? </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> of course not you silly </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> it was more like 5 hours.  </em></p><p><b> <em>Me:</em> </b> <em> you're such a prick </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie:</em> </b> <em> you love me </em></p><p><b> <em>Me: </em> </b> <em> unfortunately </em>😔</p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> will you sit with penny for a while or not? </em></p><p><b> <em>Me:</em> </b> <em> okay you asshole </em></p><p><b> <em>Me: </em> </b> <em> now that miss possibelf isn't looking </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> k </em>💋</p><p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p><p>"Will you tell Simon?"</p><p>"Jesus, Wellbelove."</p><p>She just came out of nowhere; I didn't even notice Simon leaving. She almost gave me a heart attack.</p><p>"Will you tell him?" she repeats.</p><p>"Tell him what?"</p><p>"You know what."</p><p>I do know what. And Wellbelove knows I know what. Unfortunately. </p><p><em> Tell him what, Wellbelove? That I'm in love with him? That it's killing me he will never feel the same? That I don't want to risk losing his friendship? </em> "I don't know what you're talking about."</p><p>"You're both such morons. If you just grew some balls and talk honestly with each other for once in your life…"</p><p>"There's nothing to talk about."</p><p>"Such morons," she repeats under her breath. </p><p>This girl knows more than I'm comfortable with. She knows <em> everything, </em>basically.</p><p>Not that I've told her. I haven't told anyone.</p><p>She and Simon dated for years, and I was incredibly jealous. I was still closeted, so the only thing that occurred to me was to flirt shamelessly with her.</p><p>I mean, it worked; she clearly had a crush on me and it bothered him to no end. I made it my personal goal in life to get them to break up. <em> If he's not with me he won't be with anybody. </em></p><p>(A pretty unhealthy mindset, I know.)</p><p>Not in a million years I would've thought that coming out as gay would be what would make them break up. But that's exactly what happened; I told them all I was gay, and two days later they told us all they were no longer together.</p><p>"<em>I</em><em>t's just, something clicked in me," </em> explained to me Wellbelove some time later. "<em>You were clearly very keen on breaking us up, and I thought it was because you fancied me. But if you were gay that couldn't be the case; so I just put two and two together." </em></p><p>I can't believe I was that careless. Probably everyone came to the same conclusion; even though Wellbelove was the only one brave enough to say it to my face.</p><p>(Well, everyone except Snow. The poor guy couldn't be more oblivious; thank God.)</p><p>But that isn't the worst thing; believe it or not. The worst thing is that she's been trying to convince me that my feelings for Simon are reciprocated.</p><p>"<em>It was very obvious, now that I think about it. We both clearly had a crush on you; you were all we used to talk about. All our conversations revolved around you. Our shared infatuation for you was the only thing keeping us together. It was very pathetic." </em></p><p>But I didn't believe her. I <em> can't </em>believe her. I just can't get my hopes up like that; it will only get my heart broken.</p><p>"<em>Why do you want to be my friend?" </em> I asked her one day. "<em>I flirted with you for months even though I'm gay. I made you believe I was into you when I knew you had a crush on me; I practically used you. How can you not be mad at me?" </em></p><p><em> "Don't be so full of yourself, Basilton. My crush on you evaporated the second you told us you were gay. I don't waste my time with things I can't have. Also, I let you flirt with me when I had a boyfriend; I'm not a saint either. If Simon and I can be friends after all that; if </em> you and Simon <em> can be friends after all that, I don't see why us two can't." </em></p><p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p><p>Penny is truly devastated.</p><p>I mean, I would also be devastated if my boyfriend of almost four years decided to break up with me via text because he already has another girlfriend. I get that doing it face to face when you live in two different countries is too complicated; but at least do it over Skype or something, I don't know.</p><p>It was a very dickhead move; which surprised me coming from Micah. I have barely spoken to him since Year 9, when he was here as an american exchange student; but I've always thought he was a nice guy. If you can't count on guys like Micah to be nice, what hope do we have left?</p><p>I don't think she would've come to the trip if it wasn't for her mother's insistence. <em> "You can't miss your Year 13 school trip, sweetheart. It's your last chance to be with all your friends and classmates before you all go your separate ways to university," </em> which I think made her even sadder.</p><p>(It made me a little bit sad too, to be honest.)</p><p>She's spent the last twenty minutes showing me pictures of Micah's new girlfriend; practically every single one she has ever posted on Instagram.</p><p>"Can you believe he left me for this wannabe mean girl? Look at her; all skinny and beautiful and blond... Who does she think she is?"</p><p>God, has she been complaining about a beautiful, skinny, blond kinda mean girl to <em> Agatha? </em>No wonder she needed a break.</p><p>She's currently sleeping curled on herself with her head on the window. She hasn't been sleeping well lately, so I let her be.</p><p>(***)</p><p><b> <em>Me: </em> </b> <em> aggie </em></p><p><b> <em>Me: </em> </b> <em> switch sits with me again </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> no </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie:</em> </b> <em> i haven't fully recovered yet </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> i need a little bit more of penny-less time. </em></p><p><b> <em>Me:</em> </b> <em> she's asleep</em></p><p><b> <em>Me: </em> </b> <em> and i wanna sit with baz </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie:</em> </b> <em> aww you miss him already? </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> how cute </em></p><p><b> <em>Me: </em> </b> <em> shut up </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> are you gonna tell him how you feel anytime soon? </em></p><p><b> <em>Me: </em> </b> <em> idk what you're talking about  </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> such morons… </em></p><p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p><p>We get to Blackpool almost four hours later. </p><p>My shoulder hurts a little due to Simon sleeping on it for half the trip. He looked so cute. It was torture. (I don't know which hurts more; my shoulder or my heart.)</p><p>He's currently talking on the phone, most likely letting his aunt Ebb know we arrived at Blackpool safe and sound. (They're not actually related; but she's the closest thing he has to family.) I should probably do the same. I send a text to my father; I'm not in the mood to talk on the phone with him right now.</p><p>"So, we're still sharing a room, right?" asks Snow, once he's done talking to his aunt.</p><p>"Yeah, sure," I say, as if I didn't try all week to convince Dev, and then, when it failed, Niall, to trade rooms with me. But there was no luck.</p><p>Can I survive sharing a room with the guy I'm in love with for three nights? I'm not very optimistic, but I guess we'll see. </p><p>Fifteen minutes later, with our keys successfully distributed, we're all headed to our respective rooms. Almost everyone's room is on the first floor, including the teachers' (and Penny and Agatha's, who couldn't look less thrilled at the prospect of being roommates), except Dev and Niall's and Keris and Trixie's, which are on the second. And then there's Simon and I's room, on the third floor. Room 202, at the very end of the corridor.</p><p>"It's like they were trying to give us privacy or something," says Simon, and then immediately blushes once he's realised what he's said. "That sounded weirdly sexual; that's not what I meant," he adds and flushes even more, the moron.</p><p>"I know," I quickly add. <em> Unfortunately. </em></p><p>Snow has already managed to misplace his copy of the key, so I open the door with mine.</p><p>The room is small; smaller than I was expecting. There's another door on the right (which I guess leads to the bathroom), a wardrobe on the left and - oh my God.</p><p>One bed. One double bed on the very center of the practically square room. There's two nightstands on each side of it, <em> but there's only one bed.</em></p><p>I'm the one who blushes now thinking about Simon's comment about privacy. This is a room for people who <em> definitely </em> want privacy. And closeness. Which are things I very much want with Simon; but it's mortifying when you have to share this room, <em> this bed, </em>with someone who doesn't want all that back.</p><p>This changes everything. Now I have to modify the dilemma: can I survive sharing <em> a bed </em> in a <em> hotel room </em>with the guy I'm in love with?</p><p>I'm pretty sure what the answer is this time:</p><p>This will end in flames.</p><p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p><p>This is fine. I've shared a bed with Baz a couple of times before. Not since I've realised I'm in love with him; but we've had multiple sleepovers in the past. He has a couch in his bedroom (the posh twat); so when I’ve stayed in his house I’ve usually slept in there. (Unless we’ve accidentally fallen asleep watching a movie on his bed.) But when he’s stayed at mine, we’ve both slept in my bed; and mine is way smaller than the one in this room.</p><p>
  <em> It's fine, Simon, don't panic. </em>
</p><p>"I- em, I didn't know they would make us share the bed," that’s an incredibly stupid thing to say. The smart thing would be to ignore the fact that <em> there's only one bed </em>, but, well, saying that I'm nervous would be an understatement.</p><p>"I didn't know it either. Does it- does it bother you?" he must be nervous too, because I swear I've never heard Baz stutter before. </p><p>"Of course not!" I say, probably way too quickly. "We've shared a bed before; this is fine," I repeat the mantra I've been saying in my mind all this time; maybe if I say it out loud I'll actually believe it. (It doesn't work.)</p><p>"Yeah, totally fine," he doesn't sound convinced. Oh God, what if he's figured out my feeling for him and now he's uncomfortable? What if that's why he's been ignoring me all this time?</p><p>He must see the panic in my eyes because he quickly adds. "Are you sure you're fine with it?"</p><p>"Yeah! Totally fine!" I sound like an idiot; and I probably look like an idiot too, pacing the room right and left a couple of times; not sure which side to claim.</p><p>"Which side do you want?" I end up asking.</p><p>"I don't care. The left one will do."</p><p>"Okay," I agree, finally placing my bag to my now assigned side.</p><p>How many times will I make a fool of myself in the span of three nights? I'm not looking forward to finding out.</p><p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p><p>I’d like to say that, once we come back to our room after spending all day on the city, I’ve already forgotten about the whole bed situation. But that’s not the case, like, at all. In fact, it’s all I’ve been able to think about since then.</p><p>Now we’re back from dinner and with no excuse to leave this room until next morning. </p><p>We shower (not together, <em> obviously</em>), brush our teeth and sooner that I would’ve liked we’re both under the covers, lights off, me on my back, he on his side facing me. </p><p>He’s only wearing some shorts that are, well, <em> way too short </em> for them to be legal, and no shirt. I better keep my eyes on my phone screen, scrolling through Twitter as if the bare thought of an almost naked Simon in the same bed as me isn’t making me insane. I concentrate very hard on not looking at him, or else I might do something stupid. (Like get a boner, for example.)</p><p>
  <em> For fuck’s sake, Basilton, get your shit together; it’s not like you’ve never shared a bed with the guy before. </em>
</p><p>“How’s Penny doing?” I ask (because I can’t stand the silence any longer and I can feel him staring at me) even though I know she’s doing terrible. During dinner she spent more time sobbing on my shoulder than actually eating.</p><p>“She’s a wreck right now,” Simon answers. “She just wasn’t expecting it. Micah was it for her. She was going to go spend half the summer with him; she already had the plain tickets.”</p><p>“Fuck. I mean, that must be rough.”</p><p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p><p>“Yeah… she’s just very sad right now, but she’ll get over it.”</p><p>I don’t remember being that devastated over my break up with Agatha, but I guess everyone processes break ups differently. She was just very sure they would end up marrying and all that stuff… I remember last summer when she came back from America and told me they’ve had sex for the first time. And that was like, <em> a moment </em> for her. She’s not the kind of person to have sex with random people, I guess. Like, in her mind having sex with him meant to be <em> forever </em> with him. And for some people it might be, sure; but sex doesn’t mean the same for everybody. Maybe for Micah it wasn’t such an earth shattering moment as for Penny. I don’t know; it’s not like I’m an expert on the subject, that’s for sure.</p><p>“Have you ever had sex?” I ask before I can think better of it. Fuck, I don’t really want to think about Baz with some other guy… but he’s my best friend; I guess it’s weird I don’t know if he’s still a virgin or not.</p><p>He looks surprised by the question (I don’t blame him; for him it must have come out of nowhere), but he answers anyway. “No,” I try not to look relieved, even though he’s not looking at me. “Have you?”</p><p>I haven’t thought about the possibility of him asking back. Well, I have to tell him now, I guess; even if it’s embarrassing. “Agatha and I tried once; but it was an utter disaster. It was so bad she didn’t even want to try again. And I don’t mean, like, try again the next day, no; she didn’t want to try <em> ever again, </em>” He snorts at that; which I might’ve found cute in any other situation, but not when he’s making fun of my (very short) sex life. “Don’t laugh at me, you asshole!”</p><p>“Sorry; it’s just that, God, you’re such a mess,” he’s properly laughing right now. Again, <em> cute, </em>but I’m too mortified to appreciate it. </p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>“She should’ve tried thinking about me; maybe she would’ve liked it better,” okay, now he’s just being cocky.</p><p>Maybe the fact that my girlfriend had a crush on another guy (who now happens to be my best friend) while he was dating me should be a sore spot, but I actually laugh at that. I mean, it’s funny. It’s funny because it’s true.</p><p>“You’re such a dick.”</p><p>Maybe it would’ve worked if <em> both </em> of us would’ve thought about Baz. God, can you imagine - <em> just me and my girlfriend, both thinking about the same guy while trying to have sex.</em> </p><p>But I just didn’t know I was into him yet. I didn’t know I could fancy a guy <em> at all. </em>How does one know?</p><p>“How did you know you were gay?” I ask, again, out of nowhere. Thankfully he's used to my random questions by now.</p><p>“I don’t know; I just knew, I guess. I mean, how did you know you were straight?”</p><p>“I mean; that’s the thing. I’m not sure I’m straight…” Why am I telling him this? </p><p>“You don’t?” he sounds interested now. He’s looking at me and not at the phone for the first time since we got into bed.</p><p>“I- I mean, I’m not gay either. I don’t have a label figured it out yet, but I’m probably something in between? Does this make sense?”</p><p>“Of course it does. Not everyone is either straight or gay; there’s other possibilities.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know; it’s just that- this has been a recent discovery, so I, I don’t know, haven’t thought too much about it, I guess,” that’s a blatant lie. I’m usually good at not thinking about stuff I don’t want to think about, but I haven’t been able to think about anything else since. “I haven’t told anyone, in fact. Well, anyone except you, now.”</p><p>“Not even Penny?” this has surprised him; I usually tell Penny stuff first.</p><p>“No. I thought, well- I thought you’d understand me better.”</p><p>“It makes sense, I guess,” he looks at the ceiling instead of me when he asks the next question. “What made you question your sexuality? Do you have a… you know, crush on some guy?”</p><p>Fuck, he’s too smart. If I’m not careful he’ll figure it out in the next two minutes it’s <em> him </em>I have a crush on.</p><p>“Well… maybe,” I end up saying, because I can't bring myself to lie.</p><p>“Maybe or yes?”</p><p>“Okay, fine; yes. But I’m not telling you who he is,” <em> because it’s you. And you don’t feel the same; so it would be awkward. </em></p><p>“It’s fine; you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” I thought he would insist I tell him, but I’m relieved he’s not as nosy as me.</p><p>“Do <em> you </em>have a crush on anybody?” I ask, just to change the subject. And, because, well, I’m nosy. And I might be a masochist too; who would want to know if the guy they’re in love with has a crush on somebody else?</p><p>He doesn’t answer, actually; he blushes, which is answer enough, I guess. “Oh my God, you totally have!” God, he’s so fucking cute. I’m so glad for the streetlight that’s coming through the window; otherwise it’d be too dark for me to see him.</p><p>“I haven’t said anything!”</p><p>“Your face said it all, mate. Who is him?” because, again, I must be a masochist.</p><p>“I’m not telling you.”</p><p>“Baz! C’mon.”</p><p>“Nope. You haven’t told me either.”</p><p>“Well, I’ll tell you if you tell me,” <em> why the hell did I say that?! </em></p><p>“No way,” he says, thankfully. “Now let me sleep, you nightmare.”</p><p>I try not to sound way too fond when I tell him goodnight.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. night two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p><p>I wake up confused and with mixed feelings.</p><p>On one hand, there’s a sound, more like a melody, that’s annoying me to no end. But, on the other hand, I feel like something is keeping me warm and cosy and I don’t want to move.</p><p>I usually run cold, even in the summer. And last night Simon insisted on keeping the window open, so any source of warmness is welcomed.</p><p>I don’t know how much time passes until I realise that 1. That annoying sound is Simon’s alarm and 2. The thing keeping me warm and cosy is Simon himself.</p><p>I’m literally spooning him; all of my front touching his back, my arm around his waist. I should feel embarrassed, but I’m, again, too warm and cosy and not awake enough to bring myself to move. That’s a problem for future Baz, I guess.</p><p>“Snow, stop that fucking alarm.” </p><p>“Sorry, sorry,” he stretches his arm in order to reach his phone, but he doesn’t untangle himself from me. </p><p>“What time is it?” </p><p>“A quarter to seven.” </p><p>“A quarter to seven?!” I’m going to fucking kill him. I’m going to murder him with my very own hands. “Why the fuck so early?” </p><p>“Breakfast starts at seven,” he says, like it justifies anything. In his mind, I guess it does; I’ve never seen somebody so enchanted by the simple thought of food.</p><p>“Just because it starts at seven doesn’t mean you have to be there at seven, for fuck’s sake. The teacher’s told us to be there at nine.”</p><p>“But I’m already hungry!”</p><p>“Of course you are; you’re always hungry.”</p><p>“Shut up; you don’t have to come with me.”</p><p>The bare thought of him leaving this bed right now is truly tragic to me. “No, don’t leave.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“You’re warm. And I’m comfortable,” I can’t believe I just said that. While cuddling him from behind. Thank God I’m still half asleep; I’d be feeling truly mortified by now otherwise.</p><p>“Okay,” he quickly agrees, surprisingly. </p><p>“Put the alarm at half past eight, like any normal people would. You fucking numpy.”</p><p>I place my forehead between his shoulder blades and fall asleep again in seconds.</p><p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p><p>My alarm goes on a second time, and we haven’t moved at all.</p><p>He still has all his front pressed up to all my back (it’s lovely). And when I say all, I mean <em> all. </em>I can feel his breath on the back of my neck, his arm wrapped around my waist, his legs tangled in mine, and -</p><p>Oh my God. He’s hard. I can feel his hardness persistently pressed on the back of my tight. </p><p>I wasn’t hard before; but now I am in what feels like mere seconds. I’m mean, of course I’m hard. Just thinking about this would’ve given me a boner, imagine if it’s actually happening.</p><p>Fuck, this is actually happening. He’s still asleep and I haven’t stopped the alarm yet and I think I’m panicking. </p><p>“Snow, the fucking alarm, I swear to God,” he says, sounding still half asleep, and I get out of my shock enough to finally stop the alarm.</p><p>I think he has fallen asleep again, because he isn’t moving. We’re still touching <em> everywhere </em>and it’s driving me crazy and I don’t know what to do.</p><p>I mean, I know what I <em> should </em> do. I should wake him up.</p><p>“I- <em> em</em>, Baz,” I try, but of course he doesn’t even flinch. He sleeps like the dead, I swear. “Baz, wake up,” I try moving my leg this time, to give it more emphasis.</p><p>I quickly realised this was a mistake. By moving my leg, all that I’ve accomplished is rubbing his erection on the back of my tight. The good thing is that he seems to be more awake after that; the bad thing is that a little moan escapes his mouth and I nearly die on the spot.</p><p>“Baz…” </p><p>He seems to wake up all at once after that. It’s like he’s aware in seconds of what is happening; and he jumps so far away from me he almost falls out of the bed.</p><p>“I- ah, I’m- I’m sorry,” he’s flushed down his neck; I swear I’ve never seen anybody so red before. I’m sure I’m in a very similar state.</p><p>He’s beautiful like this. All flustered, his long hair a mess, his eyes still sleepy, his mouth partly open (and he says I’m the mouth breather…). He’s definitely a sight to be seen and it’s not helping my case at all.</p><p>“Don’t- don't worry about it,” what else can you say when your best friend (who also happens to be the object of your affections) is apologising for an inopportune boner?</p><p>“I’m going to take a shower,” he announces, even though he already took one yesterday night. </p><p>(I’m not going to think about what he might do in that shower. I’m literally forbidding myself to think about that.)</p><p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p><p>We’re spending all day on the beach today.</p><p>The sun burns me by just looking at it, I look like a drowned rat with my hair wet, and I’m still pretty much mortified by this whole morning fiasco.</p><p>I think I can safely say today it’s not my day.</p><p>I still can’t believe I let myself sleep spooning Simon. (I still can't believe he told me he's <em> not straight</em>, but I'm trying not to think about that.) I could’ve moved the first time we woke up; but I had to be greedy instead. Of course I next woke up with a raging boner pressed on his leg; at least I wasn’t rubbing myself on him in my sleep, thank God.</p><p>I don’t know if the fact that he was most likely also hard makes it more embarrassing or less. I mean, I’m pretty sure he was hard too; those shorts didn’t leave much to my imagination. </p><p>I’m laying on my towel strategically placed under the umbrella while my friends are swimming. The less I’m exposed to the sun, the better; otherwise I’ll be a walking tomato all week. (Despite having tan skin, I burn ridiculously easily.)</p><p>I see Snow coming out of the water walking in my direction. His all broad shoulders and wide hips and cute freckles; his wet curls look wilder than ever and he’s smiling at me, and I swear I could die right on this moment. </p><p>He’s lovely. A little bit of a mess, but still so lovely.</p><p>(He’s like the sun and I’m burning more than ever.)</p><p>“Aren’t you coming to the water?” he asks when he’s close enough for me to hear.</p><p>“Nope; maybe later.”</p><p>He just shrugs and then proceeds to shake his head in an attempt to dry his hair; getting water all over me in the process.</p><p>“Oh my God, stop you fucking dog.”</p><p>(I hate how truly endearing I find it.)</p><p>I notice his skin looks a little bit reader than usual; and I don’t think it’s him blushing. (Although it could be; I feel like every time he’s looked at me since this morning his face has been every single shade of red.)</p><p>“Have you put sunscreen on?”</p><p>“No.” </p><p>“Are you crazy? Put some on right now!”</p><p>“I haven’t bought any,” who the hell comes to Blackpool and brings no sunscreen? Going to the beach is basically all you can do here.</p><p>“Here; borrow mine, you idiot.”</p><p>He puts on some even if he’s still a little bit wet; so he’s basically making a mess of it. I don’t have the strength nor the patience to point it out.</p><p>“Could you put me some on the back, please?” he asks when he’s done with the rest of his body.</p><p>“Yeah, sure.”</p><p>He sits in front of me before I could get up, basically between my legs. He passes me my sunscreen back, and after I’ve put a generous amount on my hand, I start coating his back with it.</p><p>He has a very fucking nice back, that’s for sure. It’s broad and covered in freckles and moles, and I can’t believe I’ve spent all night cuddled up in it and I wasn’t awake to enjoy it.</p><p>When I’m done he asks: “Do you want me to do your back?”</p><p>And even though I’ve just put some on two minutes ago, I say yes. Because I can’t pass on the opportunity of having his hands on me.</p><p>He now sits back behind me, and soon enough he’s touching me, and it takes me off guard how gentle he's being. He's taking his time, and it almost feels like he’s giving me a massage. (<em>Don’t get a boner, Basil, don’t you fucking dare get a boner again.) </em></p><p>He certainly seems to be enjoying it. I wish I knew what he’s thinking.</p><p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p><p>All that I seem to be able to think is: <em> OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD- </em></p><p>Baz is just way too fit for this world. He has legs for days, toned from playing football; his chest covered in hair is making me a little bit crazy, and he has all his hair up in a bun. He looks like a fucking model. </p><p>I could do this for hours; getting my hands all over him with the excuse of applying sunscreen. I’ve already been doing this for way too long, actually. Way longer than necessary. But I just can’t seem to stop. He seems to be liking it, though. (I wish I knew what he’s thinking.)</p><p>I would’ve just kept on it if it wasn’t for the very obviously arguing Agatha and Penny coming our way.</p><p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p><p>The girls are still pretty far away, but we can hear them as if they were standing just next to us.</p><p>“Why are you being such a bitch?”</p><p>Did Bunce just call Wellbelove a bitch to her face?</p><p>“Did you just call me a bitch to my face?”</p><p>“Well, it’s what you’re being!”</p><p>“I’m just being honest with you!”</p><p>“By calling me overdramatic?”</p><p>“You’re being overdramatic. That’s a fact.”</p><p>“Oh, well, sorry for making a big deal of my boyfriend unexpectedly dumping me, I guess! Not all of us can be cold-blooded like you! Sorry for having feelings!”</p><p>For someone accused of not having feelings, Wellbelove looks pretty hurt. They’re close enough for me to see her face now.</p><p>“What the hell is happening?” says Simon, loud enough just for me to hear.</p><p>“Shut up, don’t get involved. It’ll make it worse.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>“Shut up, Snow,” him and his fucking hero complex. He can’t just stand between a fight that has nothing to do with him.</p><p>“Look, Penelope,” we hear Wellbelove continue. “All I’m saying is that you can’t be moping all day for a boy who clearly didn’t deserve you. You’re hurt, I get it, but you’ll never get over it if you just keep letting yourself drown in your own misery. He’s been a dickhead, we all agree, but all you’ve been doing is complain about his new girlfriend, and that’s so unlike you… You’re the one who's always telling me we girls should be more nice to each other! You don’t even know this girl, and it’s not her fault Micah dumped you. It’s not anyone’s fault, it’s just what it is. So maybe <em> you’re </em>the one who needs to stop being a bitch. Your life isn’t over just because your high school boyfriend broke up with you, so just get over it already and stop being a crybaby, for fuck’s sake.”</p><p>Bunce starts crying the moment Wellbelove stops talking. Not crying; sobbing. I don’t think that was Wellbelove's intention; I think she thought she was giving Bunce a motivational speech. </p><p>(Maybe we shouldn’t let Wellbelove be the one who gives speeches in the future.)</p><p>Bunce lets herself fall into her towel and curls into herself, still sobbing. Neither of us know what to do; Bunce is usually the strong one, the brave one; she never cries, like, literally never. So this is new territory for all of us.</p><p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p><p>I’m sitting with Penny on the bus back to the hotel. We’re still supposed to sit with our roommates; but there was no way Penny and Agatha would sit together after what happened earlier.</p><p>“I just can’t believe she said all that to me,” says Penny, with her head on my shoulder. “I don’t know why she’s my friend if she hates me that much.”</p><p>“She doesn’t hate you, Penny. She’s just not very good at consoling people.”</p><p>“Why are you defending her?”</p><p>“I’m not defending anyone; you’re both my friends, and I hate to see you fighting. I just think you both need to sit down and talk calmly, and try to maybe understand each other a little bit better.”</p><p>“I have nothing to talk with her.”</p><p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p><p>“I have nothing to talk with her.”</p><p>“Oh my God, Wellbelove, could you not be so fucking proud for once in your life?”</p><p>The girls obviously didn’t want to sit together after what happened earlier, that’s why I’m now sitting next to Wellbelove instead of Snow. Usually that’s how it goes; when we have to choose between mum one and mum two, Simon gets Bunce and I get Wellbelove. It’s an unspoken truce we all go by.</p><p>“I’m not being proud. I just seem to never say the right thing to her; so I think it’s better if I don’t say anything at all.”</p><p>“Just try not to call her overdramatic and a crybaby next time; maybe you’ll say the right thing then.”</p><p>“Oh, but she can call me a bitch and cold-blooded? Just because she ended up crying and I didn’t doesn’t mean she didn’t hurt my feelings, you know.”</p><p>Both our phones going crazy with notifications interrupt our conversation. I grab my phone and I see that Keris has created a group with everyone on the trip.</p><p>
  <b> <em>BLACKPOOL TEAM GROUP CHAT</em> </b>
</p><p><b> <em>Keris Smith: </em> </b> <em> hi everyone! trixie and I were thinking about hosting a party in our room tonight </em>😇</p><p><b> <em>Keris Smith: </em> </b> <em> you’re all welcomed </em>🥳</p><p><b> <em>Gareth Evans: </em> </b> <em> yay!!!! rhys and i will be there </em>😎</p><p><b> <em>Dev Grimm: </em> </b> <em> count on me and niall too! </em></p><p><b> <em>Agatha Wellbelove: </em> </b> <em> baz and i are in </em>💋</p><p><b> <em>Trixie Pixie: </em> </b> <em> anyone already over 18 who volunteers to go buy the alcohol? </em> 🙄</p><p><b> <em>Penelope Bunce: </em> </b> <em> simon and I will come too. and basil and I can go grab the alcohol </em></p><p><b> <em>Me: </em> </b> <em> you could have asked first, bunce. but yeah, sure. </em></p><p><b> <em>Trixie Pixie: </em> </b> <em> perfect!! the rest confirm when you can pls!!! </em>🙏</p><p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p><p>I’m starting to think this was a mistake. </p><p>Penny is drinking too much way too fast. She and Agatha are not on speaking terms yet, so I’m here with her while Agatha is on the other side of the room with Baz. Which is, despite this room being considerably bigger than ours, small enough for me to still see Baz easily. And by <em> see </em> I mean <em> shamelessly stare. </em></p><p>He’s wearing jeans too tight for them to be legal, and a buttoned floral shirt with at least the first three buttons undone. It’s unfair how good he looks. He’s making me feel so underdressed in my ripped black jeans and t-shirt.</p><p>I look at my phone and I see I have an unread text from Agatha. Why is she texting me when we’re in the same room?</p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> omg stop staring at basil </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> it was cute the first 5 min now it’s just creepy </em></p><p><b> <em>Me: </em> </b> <em> shut up!! </em></p><p><b> <em>Aggie: </em> </b> <em> just tell him how you feel!!! </em></p><p>I simply leave her on read.</p><p>It's hard to ignore someone when you're both in the same room, so Agatha leaves to Philippa Stainton's parallel party (thank God there's a second party; there's no way we'd all fit in just one room) and Penny ends up sitting in between Keris and Trixie telling them all about her break up with Micah (while she drinks her sixth? maybe seventh glass of vodka.)</p><p>"Is Bunce really talking to <em> Keris and Trixie? </em>God, she must be really desperate," says Baz, approaching me for the first time since we arrived.</p><p>"Yeah… God, I really hate it when she and Aggie fight."</p><p>"Yeah, me too. It's actually worse than when <em> we </em> used to fight," and that's saying something. Our fights used to be wild. I ended up breaking his nose once; it's been a little bit crooked since then. He pulls it off though; I know he hates it but I think it's cute. (I think all of him is cute.)</p><p>"It is," I agree. "Besides, they force us to split between them and I hate it. I feel like we haven't seen each other all day." </p><p>"Well, I'm all yours now," he smirks, raising just one eyebrow. (I don't know how he does that). I blush uncontrollably.</p><p>"Oh, what an honor," are we flirting? I think we might be flirting a little bit.</p><p>“Do you want another drink?” he asks, and I’m now just realising both our glasses are already empty.</p><p>“Yeah, sure.”</p><p>(***)</p><p>“Have you ever been drunk?” I ask, passing him his now full glass.</p><p>“No,” he responds. “Have you?”</p><p>“Not really. Hey, Baz?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Let’s get drunk tonight,” I announce.</p><p>“Okay,” he agrees. “Let’s.”</p><p>(***)</p><p>Two drinks later and I think we’re already kind of drunk. I feel like I’m floating, a little bit like I’m dreaming. At first I thought the music was too loud and I was worried we were going to get caught; now I couldn’t care less. My face hurts from laughing so much and I can’t take my eyes off Baz.</p><p>“I think I’m drunk,” I say. We’re on the floor; Baz sitting with his back on the wall, me laying with my head on his lap. His fingers are playing with my hair and I feel like I’ve never been this happy in my life.</p><p>“Oh, you’re definitely drunk. You’re a lightweight.” </p><p>“Shut up, you’re drunk too!”</p><p>“I’m not such thing, Snow,” he’s such a twat. (I’m so in love with him.)</p><p>“You totally are,” he really is drunk. His cheeks are beautifully pink, and he’s smiling more than ever. I wish he’d always smile like this; it’s a good look on him. (Everything is a good look on him.)</p><p>God, I really want to kiss him. Maybe I’ll kiss him tonight.</p><p>Would he let me kiss him?</p><p>“What?” he asks.</p><p>“What?” I repeat.</p><p>“I don’t know; you’re staring at me.”</p><p>“Well, you’re nice to look at,” I say without thinking; and I really must be drunk because I don’t even feel embarrassed. He really is nice to look at, I don’t see why I wouldn’t let him know.</p><p>“You’re not so bad yourself, Snow.”</p><p>We are definitely flirting; we’ve been flirting all night. Maybe Agatha’s been right all this time; there’s clearly something between us. Is it possible that I’m the guy he has a crush on? </p><p>I want to ask him, but the sound of Keris’ voice above the music interrupts my train of thought.</p><p>“Hey, everyone! Let’s play truth or dare!”</p><p>And <em> now </em>I know I’m drunk, because, in this moment, I find this to be the best idea anyone has ever had.</p><p>(***)</p><p>We’ve been playing for a while now, and I can confidently say that everyone in the room is at least a little bit drunk. No one as drunk as Penny, though. I haven’t been able to understand anything she’s said for the past forty minutes.</p><p>The game’s been good to me for now; no one has asked me any too awkward questions and I haven’t picked up dare yet. So it’s been fun.</p><p>“Penny, truth or dare?” asks Niall.</p><p>“Truth.” </p><p>“Who would you rather bang, Simon or Baz?”</p><p>“Oh my God. Gross,” she responds, and everyone laughs.</p><p>“You have to choose!” says Dev.</p><p>“Well, considering Basil is gay, I feel I have to say Simon,” she fakes throwing up as soon as she’s said it; which scared me to death, for one second I thought she was really puking. It wouldn’t surprise me considering how wasted she is.</p><p>“Thank you,” says Baz.</p><p>Before I can let the image of me and Penny shagging traumatize me more than it already has, she continues with the game. “Dev, truth or dare.”</p><p>“Truth,” I think at this point everyone is too drunk to choose dare. Nobody wants to stand up.</p><p>“Who would you rather bang, Niall or Baz?” </p><p>“Could you please leave me out of your weird questions?” he wants to sound exasperated, but he’s smiling too much to accomplish it.</p><p>“Penelope! That <em> is </em>proper gross. Baz is literally my cousin,” Dev points out.</p><p>“So your main problem here is that he’s your cousin and not that he’s a guy… interesting,” everyone laughs again and Dev flushes all over.</p><p>“I- I mean- that’s not what-”</p><p>“So you pick Niall, then?” Penny insists.</p><p>“Yeah, for fuck’s sake; I pick Niall.”</p><p>“Gross, man. We’re bros.” </p><p>“B-But Baz is literally my cousin!”</p><p>(***)</p><p>“Basilton.”</p><p>“Tell me, Keris.”</p><p>“Truth or dare?”</p><p>“Dare,” responds Baz, the first one choosing dare in at least fifteen minutes.</p><p>“I dare you to kiss Simon Snow.”</p><p>I feel like all the air has left my lungs. I’m suddenly sweating all over. </p><p>“W-what?” Baz dumbly asks.</p><p>“I feel like all the kissing dares have been way too straight for my liking; I want a little bit of gay action.”</p><p>Oh my God, it’s happening. It’s really happening; I’m kissing Baz tonight. Oh my fucking God.</p><p>“Go, Baz! Kiss him!” practically screams Gareth.</p><p>Baz is not moving and I might be dying of anticipation. </p><p>God, I really want to kiss him.</p><p>“No fucking way.”</p><p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p><p>There’s no way I’m kissing Snow in front of all these people. <em> My literal first kiss won't be in front of all these people. </em></p><p>I might be drunk, but I’m not <em> that </em>drunk.</p><p>“You have to do it, mate; it’s a dare,” says Trixie.</p><p>“Yeah, those are the rules, man,” agrees Rhys.</p><p>I hate them. I hate literally every single person in this room. </p><p>I don’t want my first kiss to be like this. I don’t want my first kiss with <em> Simon </em>to be like this.</p><p>I want it to be soft and romantic and not in a <em> literal room full of people</em>. I think I’m not asking for that much.</p><p>“I’m not kissing him; change the dare.”</p><p>“Baz, don’t be like this! It’s just a kiss, who cares,” insists Keris.</p><p><em> Who cares? It’s just a kiss? </em>Well, for me it’s not just a kiss, for fuck’s sakes.</p><p>Kissing Simon Snow could never be <em> just a kiss </em> for me.</p><p>“Keris, I won’t kiss him. Change the dare.”</p><p>I look at Simon for the first time since I’ve been dared to kiss him; and what I see it’s not what I expected. I thought he would be amused, even grateful I’m refusing to do this. I thought he would maybe say something supporting me; something to stop this nonsense from happening.</p><p>He instead looks devastated. He literally looks two seconds away from crying.</p><p>God, he looks like I’m breaking his heart right now.</p><p>Before I have time to process what this might mean, Bunce interrupts everyone by throwing up all over Simon’s lap.</p><p>It’s not fake this time.</p><p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p><p>Penny threw up all over me, and I’ve never felt more disgusting in my life.</p><p>It was so gross I was almost sick myself right after.</p><p>I brought her back to her room after that; Aggie wasn’t here yet, so I had to undress her and put her to bed myself. </p><p>All of that literally covered in vomit.</p><p>I took a shower and got into bed with her. And here I am now, under the covers, still slightly smelling of puke, and both of us crying.</p><p>I feel like an absolute idiot. I’ve spent all night thinking maybe Baz might feel the same. That maybe it’s not an unrequited crush after all; that maybe I had a chance.</p><p>But I don’t. He clearly doesn’t want me. He couldn’t look more disgusted at the prospect of kissing me.</p><p>I can’t believe I let my hopes up like this. I can’t believe I could be stupid enough to think Baz might actually want me. He doesn't want me; why would he?</p><p>“Simon, are you crying?” Penny asks between sobs.</p><p>“Yeah,” I say. It’s obvious I’m crying; there’s no point denying it.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>And I think I might still be drunk, or maybe it’s just that I’m too sad, because I answer without even considering lying.</p><p>“Because I’m in love with Baz, and he clearly doesn’t want to kiss me.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. night three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p><p>I wake up cold; colder than I’ve felt in days. So, in my still half-asleep mind, it sounds reasonable to seek the warmth that’s prevented me to feel cold this past morning.</p><p>I find the source, and I press myself all over it. I don’t feel as cold anymore; but something is not right. It’s not as warm as I remembered, and this body is way too small, and when I touch its front with my hand there’s definitely something there that it wasn’t before.</p><p>“Basil, are you literally touching my boob right now?” asks a voice that sounds too much like Wellbelove. But that can’t be right; why would she be here in bed with me?</p><p>“What?” I ask, clearly confused.</p><p>“Baz, wake up, for fuck’s sake. You’re literally grabbing my boob.” </p><p>I suddenly realise what’s happening; I’m in my room, in my bed, but besides me instead of Simon, there’s Wellbelove, for whatever reason. And she’s right, unfortunately. I’ve been touching her boob all this time.</p><p>“Shit; sorry,” I say, putting distance between us. “I thought you were Snow.”</p><p>“<em>Aww </em>, you’ve been cuddling in bed? That’s proper cute.” </p><p>“Shut up. What the hell are you doing here?”</p><p>“Last night when I came back to my room Penny and Simon were already sleeping on the bed. Plus, it smelled a little bit like puke. So I had no other option than to steal Simon’s key from his jean’s pocket and come to sleep here. Will you please tell me what the hell happened?”</p><p>All flashbacks of last night are coming back to me now. Simon and I drinking. Simon and I on the floor, my hand on mis hair. Playing truth or dare. Me refusing to kiss him. Simon looking sadder than I’ve even seen him. Penny being sick all over him. Them leaving.</p><p>“Oh my God. I’m an idiot.”</p><p>“Well, we been knew. Care to elaborate?”</p><p>“Agatha, I’ve truly fucked it all up. Every chance I’ve ever could possibly had with Simon it’s over now,” fuck, I can feel my eyes filling with tears. I don’t want to cry but I don’t know if I’d be able to prevent it.</p><p>She’s decent enough to not point out I’ve basically admitted for the first time that I do have feelings for Simon. “What are you talking about?”</p><p>So, I tell her everything.</p><p>(I’m afraid I can’t say I didn’t cry.)</p><p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p><p>Penny’s so hungover she can barely stand up.</p><p>She’s also too hungover to remember she’s mad at Agatha, so at least they’re not ignoring each other anymore. </p><p>We’re walking through Central Pier this morning. It’s beautiful, really; but neither of us is in the mood to appreciate it, it seems.</p><p>Things are very awkward between me and Baz; I don’t think we’ve said anything to each other since yesterday. Since he made it brutally clear he didn’t want to kiss me. </p><p>The only bad thing about the girls not fighting anymore is that Baz and I have no excuse to keep our distance. It’s obvious enough as it is that I’m hurt about him not wanting to kiss me; I can’t just grab Penny and walk away, it would be pathetic.</p><p>At least I’m not hungover myself. I’m glad my head doesn’t hurt; I have enough with my heart.</p><p>“Anyone want to go up the wheel?” asks Baz.</p><p>“Yeah, sure,” I reply; it’s not like there’s much more to do here. </p><p>“I can’t; I’d literally throw up again.”</p><p>“I’ll stay with Penny, you two can go.” </p><p>Why are they doing this to me? Can’t they see how much I don’t want to be alone with Baz? Is this a plot to make us talk?</p><p>If this is a plot Baz clearly didn’t have any idea either; he looks almost as pained as me.</p><p>But, for some reason, neither of us could come up with an excuse or something, so now here we are, on the queue waiting for it to be our turn.</p><p>“You, <em> em </em>, you didn’t come back to our room last night,” says Baz, after at least ten minutes of silence.</p><p>“Yeah, I fell asleep with Penny. She was feeling pretty bad and I didn’t want to leave her alone,” <em> and also I couldn’t bring myself to sleep next to you after everything. </em> </p><p>“Yeah, she drank way too much…” he says, stating the obvious.</p><p>“Yeah, she did.”</p><p>The conversation dies and we spend another ten minutes in silence. This is torture; I feel like crying again.</p><p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p><p>We’re finally on the carriage; it’s pretty small so we have no choice but to sit very close, almost touching.</p><p>His eyes look so sad; I hate that I put that look on him. </p><p>“<em>Just talk to him, Basil,</em>” said Wellbelove, when  we were still in my room. “<em>T</em><em>ell him it’s all a misunderstanding and that you’re actually crazy for him; it’s as easy as that</em>.”</p><p><em> As easy as that. </em> Well, it’s not easy for me. I don’t know what to say to him; I don’t know how to talk about <em> feelings. </em> I don’t know how to tell him that I <em> did </em>want to kiss him last night; that I always want to kiss him. That I don’t want anyone else, I’ve never wanted anyone else. That I’m his to keep, for as long as he wants me. </p><p>I want to tell him, but I can’t bring myself to say the words. </p><p>I might be the most eloquent of the two of us, but he’s always been the braver one.</p><p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p><p>The view is beautiful up here. We’re stopped at the top now; and everything looks so small when you’re up so high. The sky is blue, the sun is shining, and I’m in love with the boy next to me. </p><p>I’m in love with him but I’ll have him in my life just as a friend if that’s all he wants from me. I can’t lose him; I can’t let him slip through my fingers.</p><p>“Baz?”</p><p>“<em>Mmh</em>?”</p><p>“Can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you want to kiss me last night?”</p><p>Shit, that’s not what I wanted to say. That’s what happens when you blurt the first thing that’s on your mind without a plan.</p><p>I mean, it’s not what I wanted to say but it’s what I want to know. <em> Why didn’t you want to kiss me? Am I not enough? </em></p><p>
  <em> (I know I’m not enough.) </em>
</p><p>He looks surprised by my question but answers anyway. “Because I didn’t want my first kiss to be in front of everyone.”</p><p>“Oh,” I didn’t even know he has never kissed anyone before. “It makes sense, I guess. And why would you want your first kiss to be with me, anyways?”</p><p>“Snow.”</p><p>“I mean, of course you don’t want that. And that’s fine!”</p><p>“Snow…”</p><p>“Your first kiss should be with someone that means something to you, and not because of a stupid dare-”</p><p>“Simon.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>And then he kisses me.</p><p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p><p>I’m kissing Simon. Oh my God, <em> I’m kissing Simon Snow. </em></p><p>I just wanted him to shut up; to stop saying idiotic things.</p><p>And now I’m kissing him and he’s not moving.</p><p>I mean, we’ve already established I’ve never done this before, but when you kiss someone they’re supposed to kiss you back, right?</p><p>“I-I’m sorry,” I say, pulling away. “Did I read it all wrong-”</p><p>“No, it’s not that; you just surprised me. I wasn’t expecting you to kiss me.”</p><p>Fuck, this is a disaster.</p><p>“I thought you didn’t want to kiss me,” he says, almost whispering.</p><p>“I do want to kiss you. I’ve only ever wanted to kiss you.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Of course, you numpty. I’m, well. I’m in love with you,” I say before I lose my nerve.</p><p>He smiles so bright it almost blinds me. God, he’s so beautiful, and I love him so much.</p><p>“Baz, can I kiss you?”</p><p>“You don’t have to ask.”</p><p>And now he kisses me.</p><p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p><p>I'm kissing Baz. God, I'm really kissing Baz; and this time we're kissing <em> for real </em> and it's the best thing I've ever felt in my life.</p><p>He's cupping my face with both his hands, and I tangle mine in his hair (soft, <em> so soft.</em>) It's obvious he's never done this before, but he's not bad at it, <em> he's not bad at all. </em> He lets me lead though; he moans a little when I part his lips with my tongue <em> and it's amazing. </em></p><p>"I'm sorry," he says, stopping the kiss far too soon for my liking. "I don't know what I'm doing."</p><p>"Shut up, it's perfect. <em> You're perfect,</em>" I say, and I kiss him again.</p><p>And again.</p><p>And again.</p><p>And again.</p><p>
  <b>Agatha</b>
</p><p>Penny and I are sitting on a bench in front of the wheel, waiting for the boys to come back.</p><p>We’ve been in silence the whole time, and it’s starting to become awkward. I don’t really know if we’re in speaking terms again or if she’s just too hungover to worry about anything else for today. </p><p>Neither of us has apologized, but that’s not surprising; we never apologize to each other. We fight until we collectively decide we’re both over it and go on with our life as if nothing has happened. </p><p>But this time maybe we should say sorry; we said pretty unfair things to each other. I <em> want </em>to say sorry, I just don’t want to be the first one to do it.</p><p>Penny and I are very different in many ways, but we’re both equally proud.</p><p>That’s why I’m surprised when she actually speaks first. “Aggie, I- well, I… I wanted to say sorry. For, well, you know; for what happened the other day.” </p><p>“I’m sorry too,” I say. “You’re having a hard time and I should’ve been more considerate…”</p><p>“Yeah, but you were right about me bad talking about Micah’s new girlfriend… that wasn’t very feminist of me. It’s him who broke my heart, not her.”</p><p>“Exactly. And I meant what I said: he didn’t deserve you. No man who deserves you would ever end things with you like he did.”</p><p>“I guess…” she doesn’t look convinced. </p><p>“I mean it, Penny,” I insist. “If he couldn’t see how amazing you are, it’s his loss, not yours.”</p><p>“Maybe he didn’t like me that much in the first place…”</p><p>“Then he’s an idiot.”</p><p>“Sometimes I feel like you don’t like me that much, either,” she confesses, and it actually hurts to hear.</p><p>“That’s not true. I know I’m not an easy person to be friends with… But I love you, Penny. I swear I do.”</p><p>“I love you too… And I know I’m also not an easy person to be friends with. And we’ll probably fight and argue a million times more, but promise me we’ll never stop being friends, okay?”</p><p>“Of course we’ll never stop being friends. Without each other what have we left? Simon and Baz? They’ll start dating one of these days and then what? We’ll have to take turns to be the third wheel? No, thanks. I’d rather be the third wheel together.”</p><p>“God, you’re right. Could they please get their shit together already? It was fun at the beginning, but it’s getting frustrating to watch.”</p><p>“It really is frustrating. They’re such morons…”</p><p>The wheel stops, so we get up and go to wait for the guys. We’re not even that close when <em> I see them. </em></p><p>“Oh my God, Penny,” we both stop walking abruptly</p><p>“Aggie, tell me you’re seeing what I’m seeing.”</p><p>“Oh my God, it’s happening. It’s really happening.”</p><p>“I think this has cured my hangover,” she says, and we laugh.</p><p>The day couldn’t be ending in a better way.</p><p>
  <b>Baz</b>
</p><p>Our ride is over but we haven’t noticed yet.</p><p>We don't notice until one of the workers opens the door to our carriage and says: "Sorry to interrupt kids, but you have to get out."</p><p>He saw us snogging, obviously. To say we're mortified is an understatement.</p><p>On top of that, the first thing we see when we finally get out are Bunce and Wellbelove standing there laughing; which means they obviously saw us too.</p><p>"How was the ride, guys?" asks Wellbelove, with a smirk on her face.</p><p>"I-It was great," says Simon, not helping our case at all.</p><p>"Oh, yeah; you looked like you were having a great time, that's for sure," points out Bunce, and I'm sure I'm as red as Simon right now.</p><p>"I don't know what you're talking about," I say, but then I see Simon's sad eyes and I think he might be worried I'll try to pretend it didn't happen; so I take his hand in mine and interlock our fingers before his mind goes spiraling.</p><p>"Yeah, I have no idea either," he says, smiling at me.</p><p>The girls spend the rest of the day screaming how happy they are for us. It's annoying.</p><p>(It's the best day of my life.)</p><p>
  <b>Simon</b>
</p><p>All we've done since we came back to our room is get on the bed and kiss.</p><p>We kiss and kiss and kiss until my lips kind of hurt; until my lungs and chest and head kinda hurt too.</p><p>We actually stopped because it was getting too heated and we both agreed we're not ready for <em> that </em> yet. </p><p>(Soon, probably; but not <em> yet.</em>)</p><p>We're currently laying down; him on his back and me on my side with my head on his chest. His fingers play with my hair like yesterday at the party and I'm in heaven.</p><p>"Since when have you wanted this?" I ask.</p><p>"Since forever. Since the day we met."</p><p>"We were eleven when we met."</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"You tried to push me down the stairs that same day."</p><p>"<em> Exactly,</em>" he says, as it made any sense. "How long have <em> you </em> wanted this?"</p><p>"I don't really know," I say. "I realised when Agatha and I broke up; but I must have wanted you since way longer. I think at least since we were fifteen."</p><p>"Oh, yeah; you were pretty obsessed with me that year. You used to follow me everywhere."</p><p>"Shut up, I thought you were plotting how to steal Agatha away from me."</p><p>"Yeah, and what I really wanted was to steal <em> you </em> away from her," he confesses.</p><p>"God, we've been idiots for so long."</p><p>"That we have been, Snow."</p><p>"Don't call me Snow, it's weird."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Because you just don't call your boyfriend for his last name, Baz!"</p><p>"Are we boyfriends?"</p><p>Fuck, maybe it's too soon for that? I don't know...</p><p>"I mean, that's what two people that are in love and together call each other, right?" <em> why did I have to sound so desperate? </em></p><p>"You're in love with me?" he asks, without answering my question.</p><p>"Yeah; I thought that was obvious."</p><p>"Well, you didn't say it back when I told you earlier, and I didn’t want to assume…"</p><p>Fuck, he's right; I didn’t say it back. I'm an idiot.</p><p>"Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch-"</p><p>"God, don't call me by my full name-"</p><p>"I'm impossibly in love with you and I would very much like for you to be my boyfriend. Will you?"</p><p>"You're an idiot."</p><p>"Answer me, Pitch."</p><p>"Oh my God; yes, you nightmare. I'll be your boyfriend," he's trying to sound annoyed but I've never seen him this smiley before.</p><p>He's so cute like this. And he's mine. (I can't believe he's mine.)</p><p>"Though I must warn you; I'm a pretty terrible boyfriend," I say, because I like to sabotage myself, apparently. "At least I was to Agatha."</p><p>"Well, I think you were a terrible boyfriend to her because you were thinking of me all the time, so…"</p><p>"You're such a prick. But, well, you have a point, I guess. I'll try to be a better boyfriend to you, anyways."</p><p>"You're being a great boyfriend as for now," he says, as he kisses my forehead. </p><p>He's being so sweet, so soft. I love him like this.</p><p>(I love him, always.) </p><p>He kisses my forehead again, and then my nose, and then my lips.</p><p>God, I'm living a charmed life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for reading! come say hi to me on <a href="https://nevergonnacallmedarling.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a> :)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading! come say hi to me on <a href="https://nevergonnacallmedarling.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a> :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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